Iron-Blooded Orphans – Episode 18

IT’S BEEN 14 WEEKS. TIME TO SEE WHAT’S GOING ON UP IN THIS BITCH.

KrVoPeo.png

………oh.

  • 20 seconds of logos….still.
  • HOLY SHIT that is a huge fleet of ships that I know nothing about.
  • “Shino” is in this battle, whoever the fuck he is.
  • Oh look, there’s Augus, Our Man the Pyschopath.
    • I have no idea what’s going on.
  • I am “KUDELIA AINA BERNSTEIN”.
    • That’s seriously my name. Stop laughing.
      • Hey! Stop it!
  • Jesus Christ, woman, it’s been 14 weeks and your hair remains a scion of Cthulhu.
    • And you haven’t changed your goddamn outfit. You’re still wearing the same stupid shirt.
  • WTF are the “Dort” colonies?
  • Wait, wait, wait, has it taken 14 fucking episodes for “Kudelia” to actually contribute something to the plot?
    • ARE YOU SERIOUS?
      • I WAS THAT RIGHT?
        • HA HA HA HA HA.
  • Yes, “Kudelia”. Gjallarhorn was oppressing people. We knew this at the start of the series. It’s episode 18. Tell us something new.
  • You will also notice her mouth is not moving. The animators have enough time to draw butts, but decided to insert a static screencap of Kudelia onto the screen and call it a day.
  • LOL, these four assholes are watching this speech while the bodies of five other human beings lie sprawled around them, looking both mightily dead and exceptionally perforated.
    • First aid? I want to see what this crazy chick is saying on computer-thingie.
  • Explain how and/or why Gjallarhorn is letting this broadcast go through.
  • I’m kind of shocked at how the plot has not moved forward a fucking inch after three months’ worth of episodes. You know how to milk shit, Sunrise.
  • Why is “Kudelia” talking in such a stilted manner? She’s even using “anatagata”, one of the most formal ways of saying “you” in Japanese.
  • Um, “Kudelia”, did you consider that they might actually try to shoot down your ship now that you’ve so politely asked them to?
    • That is a real possibility, you know.
      • Just a thought.
  • Oh, funny, they just all stopped. How convenient.
  • “She’s amazing”. -Mikazuki Augus
    • She did a video broadcast, and not a particularly good one either.
      • That qualifies as “amazing”? I can think of a hundred thousand Youtubers more “amazing” than “Kudelia Aina Bernstein”.
  • Mikazuki Augus is surprised to find that political pressure can be very, very, very effective.
    • As opposed to what giant machines of war can do.
  • So, it’s very helpful that I have no idea what’s going on or what’s at stake, because now I don’t feel guilty about not giving a shit about what just happened.
  • OH CHRIST, IL DUCE IS STILL ALIVE.
    • HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?
      • AND WHY IS HE DRESSED LIKE GRANDPA HITLER?
        • WHY. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY.
  • And who the fuck is this asshole next to him with the fucking golden bird mask? Who would ever wear something like that?
  • Um, I don’t get it. Why does Gjallarhorn give a shit about what the African Union wants?
  • Oh, it’s the second opening theme.
  • Or(l)ga’s hair keeps making Sir Isaac Newton cry.
  • Whoa whoa whoa. Are there brown people in this show now?
    • WTF. I thought brown people didn’t exist.
  • “Kudelia’s” hair is still a riot.
    • It has its own physics engine.
      • Pbbth ha ha ha.
  • I guess Fumitan bit the dust. When did that happen? Not that I care.
  • Wait. They haven’t gone to Earth yet?
    • What the hell have they been doing for the past 14 episodes? Did it take them all that time just to get up into space and set the stage for their actual trip to Earth?
      • What a horribly paced anime, among other things.
  • Um, wasn’t Gjallarhorn already on the hunt for “Kudelia” before all this happened? I seem to remember that being the case.
  • Eugene is still an asshole. It’s good to see some things never change.
    • Like how this show sucks balls.
  • Also, why does Augus’ coat make him look twice as big as he actually is?
  • “Responsibility”? -Mikazuki Augus
    • Who is shocked by the existence of the word.
      • This man kills people without a second thought, but acts like any word longer than three syllables is a novel concept that must be ruminated on.
        • Just like every character in Gundam Wing.
  • Apparently in this universe there is a scientific concept called an “Ahab Wave”.
    • Does the director of this show have a hard-on for Moby Dick or something?
  • The “Montag” Company, headed by Zechs Marquis the Golden.
  • This guy’s name is actually “Naze Turbine”, whose mother cursed him before she died giving birth to him.
  • Oh yeah, the creepy guy with the golden bird mask and two-dozen flags for sociopathy is tooootally trustworthy.
  • Wait, Ein is still alive?
    • I thought Ein died.
      • I love his abs, though. Too bad nobody in anime is allowed to be gay.
  • I don’t even remember who this purple-haired dick is. Must not be important.
    • Then again, nothing in this show is.
  • “Gundam Frame” is used here. The Japanese viewers obviously understood it. Somehow.
  • ALAYA-VIJNANA.
    • 100 TRILLION YENARONI.
  • Welp, it’s good to know people on Earth are still racist in the 2xth century.
  • …really? Why would anyone from Earth care? What’s a “pure Earth bloodline” anyway?
  • Ein still cares about Lieutenant Crank, who died 15 episodes ago.
    • This show hasn’t moved its plot an inch forward in that time.
  • SOMEONE IS SHOCKED BY SOMEONE ELSE’S BELIEF IN MERITOCRACY.
    • IT’S SO PROFOUND.
  • “Choose the path you think is right for you”. -Lieutenant Crank
    • Who did not practice what he preached in any way, shape, or form.
      • This man willingly took part in a military operation against children that killed over a hundred people, then threw his life away in an aborted attempt to save his pride.
        • Exactly the person you should be taking advice from, Ein: the dead hypocrite.
  • “Don’t be bothered by those around you”. -Lieutenant Crank
    • Who killed himself to shield his fellows from the disgrace of their failure.
      • Whooops.
  • It’s a good thing I stopped watching this after four episodes, or I might not remember any of this shit.
    • You fools that did keep watching it don’t remember any of these inconvenient facts, though.
      • KEIKAKU DOORI.
  • “I don’t care how others see me, I just believe in myself”. -Ein
    • Who just apologized to this purple-haired retard for imposing on him for something.
      • Is being full of shit a Japanese national pastime?
  • NOTHING ANYONE SAYS IN THIS SERIES MAKES ANY SENSE ON ANY LEVEL.
  • “The Outer Earth Orbit Regularly Joint Fleet”.
    • Yeah, just like that.
  • This purple-haired asshole is amused by Ein pointing out that Gjallarhorn might have limited jurisdiction.
  • Meanwhile, back over there in the Halls of Justice, Zechs Marquis the Golden is proposing to help them reach Earth.
    • THIS COULDN’T POSSIBLY BE SOME FORM OF TRAP.
  • WTF is “half-metal”?
    • WTF is wrong with these writers?
      • These people are obsessed with bad English.
        • They seem to have a religious obligation to butcher it as much as possible.
  • I have an idea: maybe you shouldn’t trust a guy who wears a golden mask and doesn’t show his face for some reason.
  • Or(l)ga comes to the revelatory conclusion that powerful people manipulate each other and this small-time mercenary group doesn’t have enough clout to do business with them on equal terms.
    • Because this show is written by three-year-olds for two-year-olds, Biscuit is dumbfounded by this statement.
  • Ah yes, Yukinojo, the black man born and raised in Yokohama, Nebraska.
  • “It’s like they’re taking advantage of us”. -Some idiot kid
    • Gee, you think?
      • Maybe you should follow that train of thought a little further, kiddo.
        • Off a cliff.
  • Oh, it’s that guy from 14 episodes ago. I’m so glad that so much nothing happened between then and now that I have no trouble following along here.
  • Do any of these fuckwits not see how badly this could go for them?
  • Look at how submissive all these women are, just like Jesus wants.
    • And “Kudelia” is overworking herself.
  • “She’s like a different person”. -Mikazuki Augus
    • She seems exactly the same as she’s always been: an utter airhead.
  • I like how these morons are so captivated by the most basic of concepts, like the idea that a person might be nervous while making a broadcast encouraging sedition against a violently oppressive government.
  • HOLY SHIT, NOBODY IN THIS UNIVERSE DRESSES SANELY.
  • In the future, people in the military wear swords, have long, flowing silver hair, and are allowed to put really bad war paint onto their faces.
    • Because that shows discipline and bearing.
      • Or that Sunrise’s editors don’t have the balls to tell their character designers that their ideas are stupid.
  • This organization seems to be brash and prideful.
    • Gee, I wonder how competent they’ll be.
  • This series is so bad. Am I mistaking this for a drama, when it’s really a comedy that’s thrown together every week at the last minute?
  • Remember, there is a country named “Arbrau” in this universe.
    • “Arbrau”.
      • It’s a very serious place.
        • Made up of Russia and Canada and absolutely nothing else.
          • Nothing says “global influence” like Tim Horton’s and crippling cronyism.
  • The president of Arbrau or whoever this evil old hag is has pink hair and looks like the stepsister of Yzma from Emperor’s New Groove.
  • I have no idea who this old fat geezer is, nor do I care.
  • WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE?
    • Sunrise thinks it can write a plot just by throwing in a thousand characters so nobody can keep track of them and realize how shitty it really is.
      • Following in GRR Martin’s intrepid footsteps, I see.
  • Uh, did these guys just have sex? That’s what it looks like, you know.
    • “Sorry to make you do this with me”.
    • “I’m surprised. I didn’t know you had such a sense of responsibility”.
    • “Responsibility? It’s more like I’ve been freed from that”.
      • Um…I have to go take care of something. Be back in a bit.
  • …sorry, what did I miss? Oh, these guys still.
  • Yukinojo, that Black Japanese Guy from Manaus, has the stupidest goatee ever.
  • Yamagi, the blonde Japanese kid from Ohio, is being allowed to mechanically service a giant war machine.
  • I can never, ever take anything “Kudelia” says seriously because her hair is such a laughingstock.
  • Oh, poor “Kudelia”, having to compromise and get her hands dirty to accomplish something.
    • No one has ever had to do this before ever, especially when it involved revolutions.
  • Atra is still useless. Cool.
  • “Kudelia” needs to get the fuck over herself.
    • As do all these characters.
      • None of them are interesting, compelling, or remotely original.
  • 95% of this series consists of characters trading awful Japanese platitudes and being SHOCKED BY THEM.
  • “I must change”. -“Kudelia Aina Berstein”
    • Which is the exact same thing she told herself 15 FUCKING EPISODES AGO.
  • OH LOOK. THE MAN IS COMFORTING THE WOMEN WHEN THEY NEED IT.
    • I am going to barf.
      • I am seriously going to barf.
        • This show is a giant turd wrapped in uranium.
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