Minute 1: Sinon somehow has enough psychological composure in the face of utter panic to spout cliche philosophical ramblings on the meaning of fighting that every Shounen Anime has regurgitated a billion times before.

Minute 4: Kirito rescues Sinon. Plot twist: they get away.

Minute 6: Sinon somehow has a convenient mental breakdown in the face of a situation no less traumatic or dangerous than ones we have already witnessed her enduring with ease. The writers proceed apace with breaking down the character they’ve built up over the past nine episodes so she can fall in love with Kirito too. Everything is going according to plan. Someone stop them.

Minute 8: Pull the fucking trigger, Sinon. Then get in the fucking robot.

Minute 10: Death Gun somehow has the reflexes to see the high-powered sniper rifle bullet hit the car and explode AND leap off his Magical Robot Unicorn in time. In reality, all these events would take less time than it would for his nervous system to process. Death Gun should be dead.

Minute 12: Is the rest of this episode seriously going to take place in a fucking cave?

Minute 15: OVER-THE-TOP ANIME RENDITION OF PTSD THAT MAKES A BIGGER DEAL OUT OF SINON JUSTIFIABLY KILLING A CRAZY PERSON THREATENING HER MOTHER AND OTHER INNOCENT LIVES INSTEAD OF THE TRAUMA OF BEING THREATENED BY SAID CRAZY PERSON. BECAUSE KILLING PEOPLE IS ALWAYS BAD BECAUSE JAPANESE PACIFISM.

Minute 16: Sinon goes through more stages of PTSD and psychological trauma in minutes than what most victims transition through over months or years.

Minute 18: Sinon is still crying. Someone shoot her.

Minute 20: Now Kirito is talking. Someone shoot him.

Minute 21: Do even half of the Japanese viewers know what “Laughing Coffin” means?

Minute 22: What the fuck kind of ending is that?

Minute 23: Someone shoot everyone.