Zankyou no Terror – 4

“We haven’t a sSRS.HACKINGingle clue about the perpetrators!”

Except the not-Youtube video clearly showing many of their physical features, unscrambled voices, and personalities. You know you are looking for at least two, unlikely more, young teenagers, one with black hair, one with brown hair, of X approximate height and weight. You have a fucking police sketch that people out in the sticks recognize, for God’s sake. Man, these police fucking suck. Oh, and apparently Bitcoin is a thing now even though the Japanese government doesn’t accept it. In fact, why would the Japanese government approve a request for gunpowder under such suspicious circumstances? Holy shit. Do these people not read what they’re writing? Meanwhile, downtown in Stupidburg, hacking is done through DOS and two teenagers with a fucking laptop can hack the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department with such ridiculous commands as “/attack” and shit. Also, I haven’t forgotten how the writers completely glossed over the many innocent deaths their bombing of the police station racked up. Other bloggers have done so, being so easily sucked in by this C-grade hack prose, but yeah, not a single word of that has been mentioned in any of the police department’s briefings. I know why, though: these two sociopaths have a real moral code, unlike all the adults out there who’ve forgotten what it is to be human, especially those responsible for their terrible childhood. Stop feeding us this high-school freshmen social criticism. Your plot is not deep, Zankyou no Terror. It is the exact opposite of deep. It is so shallow the water doesn’t even cover my pinky toe.

Blah blah blah, Hazuki Nagisa the Insane rescues Lisa as we knew he would. Man, I was so on the edge of my seat for that. I had no idea that’s how the plot would go. No, seriously. Took me completely by surprise! Gasp! Can we move on now? It’s been four fucking episodes; stop telegraphing this shit and get on with the plot. Oh, and Lisa finally gets the psychological release she’s been longing for because of her TERRIBLE FAMILY AND BULLYING JAPANESE SOCIETY AND BOO HOO HOO. Whaa. There, I cried. Done? Didn’t think so.

Blah blah blah, Shibazaki uses his head and solves the crime on his own, but the CORRUPT INCOMPETENT MINDLESS STUPID SOULLESS OLD UNINNOVATIVE STALE BOORISH (insert a thousand more scathing adjectives for good measure, since we can’t squeeze enough commentary into this show) police department can’t recognize an obvious trap and goes in guns blazing, resulting in their embarrassment in front of the public…instead of an actual bombing, which would make me care and give the terrorists some weight behind their words. After all, we can’t have the viewers thinking bad things about Aizen Sousuke the Younger, can we? We can’t let them realize these are just two terrorists putting the lives of untold people at risk with their antics? No, we’ll embarrass the police department instead of making them suffer real consequences for their stupidity. It’s more anvilicious that way!

I guess have to say this again: I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS CONFLICT BETWEEN THE TERRORISTS AND THE POLICE. There’s been no sense of risk or danger to them. They’re just a thousand steps ahead of everyone because MAGICAL REASONS. They are two 17-something teenage boys. They do not have the logistical capabilities or expertise to take on the fucking Japanese government. Or any government. Or any semi-competent agency interested in doing its goddamned job.

It’s like the writers just keep throwing whole kitchen sinks at you labeled “COMMENTARY ON CONTEMPORARY JAPANESE SOCIETY” at the viewer and hoping you don’t think about it because YOU’RE TOO BUSY DODGING GODDAMN KITCHEN SINKS.


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